I'm supposed to be sleeping...

     ... and yet here I am! My first time posting in a while yet again, and I choose to do it at midnight the day before finals week officially begins (although I guess technically, it IS finals week!). As bad as it is, I must say this seems fitting with the whole procrastination theme I've been seeing all over the internet tonight. Anyway, you don't need to hear me talk on forever about that, I'll save it for another day.
     Tonight more than anything I am having a moment of gratitude. My boyfriend got home from being in New York auditioning at graduate schools about a week ago, and since he has been back I feel even more grateful to have him in my life. I value my time with him even more because I know that soon he will be leaving for a longer period of time than these short trips, and I want to make every moment count. Of course I am sad that he will be leaving, but I also feel so incredibly lucky that we have been able to be together for as long as we have, and am so excited for the amazing opportunities that lie ahead of him in his career. He is one of the most talented people I know, and I cannot wait to see him grow into the amazing concert pianist I know he will become.  The other qualities about him that astound me are his intense humility and unending support for my goals. I have never met someone so talented beyond his peers who continually says, "Anyone can become extremely good at music as long as they practice hard. Talent is overrated." And he supports me every step of the way in my musical and other endeavors without making me feel at all stupid for being confused or scared about some of the things I am going through that he has already dealt with. These are the qualities I could have only hoped to find, but I managed to find that and so much more. If it seems as though I am rambling about these cheesy feelings, well, I am. But when you find someone who treats you how you feel you could only dream of, you start to feel pretty lucky considering a lot of people don't find that.  
     I also feel very lucky to just in general have people in my life who love and support me no matter what happens. I feel like lately I call my parents every day with a different plan for how I want my life to play out. No matter what they are always supportive and they remind me that what is most important is that I am pursuing a career that I will be passionate about. My friends have also helped me in this regard. Those who know me best remind me constantly how I light up like a Christmas tree whenever I talk about neuroscience, and that they can see that is where my true passion lies. For me, not hearing a bunch of disappointed sighs about me not completely pursuing music like I intended and rather feeling love and support from my peers was the best response I could possibly imagine. This is how I know I have true friends, because they care more than anything about my happiness and well-being. This is one of the best feelings you could hope to have.
     And now I sit back and reflect on life since starting college. It has only been about two years but still so much has happened! Even through all of the good and the bad, my life has absolutely changed for the better. I have a man in my life who treats me with the chivalry everyone thinks has died, and a group of friends who are even more incredible than what I could have hoped for. Although I came to college to further my education, I have done so much more than that by filling my life with more people that I know I can count on for a long time to come. 

Just Another Day

     So I don't really have much on my mind today, but I figured I would post something since work is relatively calm right now and I don't get done until 9 tonight. It's actually kind of unfortunate because today has been probably the most beautiful day of the year, but at least I was able to enjoy it for a little bit this morning. I am also very fortunate to be employed and be able to choose my hours to work around my school schedule, many people cannot find that and I feel very grateful because of that.
     Anyway, I guess what I want to post about today is something that I have been thinking a little bit about for the past few days. I am a music student at a university, and this can be very difficult sometimes. It can be a very stressful major and sometimes I wonder if I should even still be in the program. However, as I think this, I can't help but laugh to myself because the one thing that we all enjoy so much (music, of course!) is also the thing that is causing the most stress in our lives! It's so interesting how something that causes us so much joy could also cause so much distress. Although I guess this is how it goes with many things in life. In order to get anywhere with any major or profession, no matter how much you love it, you will have to go through some extremely difficult trials. I suppose that this is what it means to grow up. You finally have the maturity and discipline to acknowledge something you love to do, and to stick with it even when it gets hard. I also suppose that this is what makes life so fulfilling. When you can be proud to say that you pushed through and know that it only made you stronger. All of this that I have described is my biggest challenge with music right now. I am trying to have the courage to put myself out there and accomplish my goal of getting a bachelors degree in music, but sometimes I find myself tempted with the easy way out of just stopping with a minor. So, I'm going to challenge myself this week to stick with my promises to myself to practice. Even though I know it will be difficult to get started, I also know that the personal rewards I feel from getting the task done will completely outweigh any challenges.

One of Those Days...

     As you have probably already figured out, today is definitely one of those days. It seems as though nothing is going according to plan. I was supposed to go out to Leavenworth tomorrow morning for a piano festival, but the weather is not cooperating. I also am unable to practice (flute at least) because my instrument will be in the shop until Tuesday. And yet again, I am at work with spotty internet reception, no phone reception, and hardly anyone coming in. On these kinds of days I find it very difficult to think of much that really makes me happy. Although I guess the best way to start is to remind yourself of what you are grateful for, and the things that you may be overreacting about.

Things I am grateful for:
1. That I even HAVE a job.
2. When my instrument comes back, it will be in great playing condition.
3. I can still practice piccolo and practice by listening what I am playing this quarter.
4. I have family, friends, and a boyfriend that love and support me.

Things I am probably overreacting about:
1. The weather. Although I probably will not be able to go to the piano festival, it is not the end of the world.
2. Assuming people don't call because they don't want to talk, not because they are busy with something important.
3. Again, work. Many people wish they had down time like I do. It is a blessing in disguise.

A Little Inspiration

     Not too long ago, I asked my boyfriend what seemed to me like a simple question: "Do you believe in God?" I remember expecting a simple yes or no, but what I got was something much more meaningful. The conversation went something like this...

Him: Yes.
Me: Why? (Being the curious person I am, of course I would ask this question!)
Him: Because I hear God when I hear music.

I can't say that his response surprised me at all, but it definitely struck a chord with me (pun intended!). Since then I have been mulling over our conversation in my head, mainly thinking about my own connection with the music I play and listen to. In this whole thinking process I've realized that I agree with him. Although there aren't many pieces of music that really strike me hard enough to make me extremely emotional, there are absolutely a few that just make me want to laugh and cry at the same time because I am so overcome with emotion. As I was recently listening to one of those few pieces, I realized that I could hear the voice of God in the music. I did not know this because I felt he was telling me something in particular, but rather because it was so beautiful and made me feel so many things I could not put into words. I feel like this kind of beauty can only be captured by those chosen by God to do so.
     Now, you have to remember, I am not trying to preach the word of God to anyone. In fact, I do not attend church and am not really a religious person myself. However, this does not mean that I do not believe in God. As I found myself lost in the music it came to me that the people who can play music have of course been given a gift from God, but those that compose it have been given a challenge. They have been given the hard task of putting their ideas into some of the most beautiful compositions the world has ever know, but they were chosen because they could handle it and they were not at all afraid of their gift. Think of Bach, for example. Not only did he put out an incredible number of works, but each seemed to be absolutely flawless. To this day his music is considered an essential part of any musician's repertoire. And you know what? He worked composing for the church. Out of all the composers, I have a special connection to Bach's music because I feel like everything he wrote was for a purpose and that all you need to know is right in front of you. It is, in my eyes, his translation from God.
     Even if you are not religious, consider this the next time you hear music. I know I was inspired, and you might be surprised at what you find inside yourself. 

The New Year

     So we've made it to the new year: 2012. The world is supposedly ending, every is looking at the economy with a "glass half full" attitude, and of course we all have our new year's resolutions. But I have to ask, what is so different about a new year than any other time? Why should we treat it any differently than other times during the year? My point being that it seems as though we make resolutions to be better people and have better attitudes which really only last for the first week of January. After that, we continue on how we were before and think to ourselves, "I'll try again next year." Why is it that we cannot think of every day to be like the new year. It is a new day, and there are new opportunities every single day we wake up to embrace them.
      I believe it is time that we stop celebrating the new year with resolutions, and instead try to embrace every single day with goals in mind. Can you imagine getting to the end of 2012 reflecting on how much you have accomplished instead of how much you let pass you by waiting for a new chance in 2013? Don't fret if you've made resolutions and haven't quite done the best job so far to follow them, thinking you have to wait for another chance. Instead, make it a point to think about them every single day, even when you aren't following them. Continue to remind yourself of what you want to do and what you want to become.

"The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can."

Robert Cushing

Update

     So again, it's been a long time since I've posted anything! My life has gotten so much busier since the last time I was blogging. I got the job I was interviewing for, and am now working at Bellingham Sportsplex as a soccer trainer and birthday party staff. I feel much more fulfilled now that I have a job, and feel much more financially secure. I also just finished midterm week at school, which was crazy to say the least! I did not have the best few days, but it is steadily getting better.
     Being so busy has been hard, but it has actually also been really good for me. It is teaching me to work more efficiently when I have a little bit of down time during my day to practice or get some homework done. Since this is something I will need to get better at as my curriculum gets harder, I find it to be a very positive thing. I feel a sense of accomplishment for being able to do so much at one time successfully. However, I have to say, I can't wait to take a little break next quarter! But for now, I am just going to keep trucking along and doing my best.

It's Been a While...

     Wow, I just realized how long it's been since I've written anything here! About a week may not be very long, but this past week has really felt like a month to me. Anyway, school has been hectic as always. I keep wondering if I've bitten off more than I can chew, but I'm doing well in school and making it work. I've been reminding myself since school started that my schedule really isn't that horrible (although 19 credits never really looks good), and that I've done a whole lot worse before.
     I am extremely excited because I actually was able to get a job interview. Much to my surprise, an employer I e-mailed about a month or two ago got back to me last week saying that they wanted to bring me in for an interview. It's amazing how things work out when you least expect it! I am really looking forward to meeting with them because this could be an amazing opportunity. I would be hired as a soccer coach, something which I have experience in and absolutely love doing. This would help me improve my teaching skills even more, and would also give me an outlet to get involved in soccer again (I did always say that once I stopped playing I would coach). I just plan and getting in there and really selling myself because I think I can be such a good coach to these kids!!
     Well, I think that is all for now. I would say life is pretty normal, but going really well at the moment!